I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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