Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Blood and glitter go together right?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
