I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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