There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
