i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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