he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
