mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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