Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
