My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
