talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
