The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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