we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
