You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
