Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
