The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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