Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
