Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
