We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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