Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
