you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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