like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
