Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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