And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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