After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
