meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
