Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
