You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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