he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
