I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
