Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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