he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My vagina is officially offended.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
