Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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