my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
