Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
