I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
