i would punch a child for taco bell
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So much rum. So many feels.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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