how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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