i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have fence marks all over my body
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
