You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
