She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize