Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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