Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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