He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
