As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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