no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
