I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
