I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
