I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
