I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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