Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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