Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
