hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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