My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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