New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We are two peas in an std pod
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
