Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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