So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
