why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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