...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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