i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
