while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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